what to say

anyway, I actually forgot what to write. ehehe and I hate first media's service these days. Urgh, since something had changed and I dont know what to do. I'm thinking to be a novel/short stories writer hahaha I dont know why, maybe it's just my random thoughts. But maybe, I just want to try? And I was just bbming with Jong, I asked for his help to translate something in SPAO korean web, and it turned out I need the Korean ID which certainly I dont have it. lol, and we talk much. AND I GOT SOMEBODY TO GET ME SIWON'S SPAO BDAY HAT. happy

what to say

anyway, I actually forgot what to write. ehehe and I hate first media's service these days. Urgh, since something had changed and I dont know what to do. I'm thinking to be a novel/short stories writer hahaha I dont know why, maybe it's just my random thoughts. But maybe, I just want to try? And I was just bbming with Jong, I asked for his help to translate something in SPAO korean web, and it turned out I need the Korean ID which certainly I dont have it. lol, and we talk much. AND I GOT SOMEBODY TO GET ME SIWON'S SPAO BDAY HAT. happy

REALITYandEXPECTATIONS

Hello, today IS the first day of real 2nd sophomore year. Can you believe it? And, in our yearly schedule, we have physics math and chem everyday. EVERYDAY! and what I dont like is the placement of physics is always after lunch, which for me it's very much not effective and will cause me not to concentrate really well :s

I think the new teachers *most of them are teaching in my class* is quite nice, still it takes time to know them. But IMHO, I think, last year's teachers are still the best. :D I'll miss mr mul, mr JJ, super daddy! Mr danny, huhuhu mr adrianus! They're just (Y) fun and able to teach us well.

Btw, from this first day, we got 3 diagnostic test for tmrw and then 2 homework for english and I still need to buy folders. Please school, help me to cut down those expenses!! Enough already, I need to start saving money for Lebaran Break soon. My mom will be paying for my trip and it's just too much. I have bought my own materials, can I just use it effectively? ;)

Not complaining, but sharing. This is struggling. I think this year's motto will be: no pain, no gain. Hope so. FOCUS and NO PROCRASTINATION! And remember ATTITUDE AS WELL!

Well last, I'm praying for ci Lasri of TDW resources/ STHC!! This night she will be having her operation of her baby. She's late in schedule for 2 weeks. and "air ketuban" in her is dried out :( I hope both mom and baby will be safe!! and the baby will be healthy and normal. AMEN GBU :)

oh last, pray for me too, so I can do all the tests and my passport will be able to get my VISA!!! PLEASE PLEASE!! It's because after the europe trip, back in Jakarta's immigration, they didnt stamp mine!! How come, I clearly have given out my passport. PUHLEASE! I NEED THAT VISA FOR A NICE TRIP PLEASE?! Lord please help :( that's a human error and I couldnt do anything.

It goes on

Yeah, Hello July. I dislike this holiday, yet I'm having too much sleeping disorders and it makes me not productive at all! Thinking to type something after I read yuri's. In a week, will be back for school. But still, this sleeping time and also holiday habits which is very bad. GAH

I havent reach what I've promised to God. I should have tried it harder tho. And thinking to get over something. Hopefully I can do it. Now, I'm soooo much into watching Running Men and also Romance town. Ofcourse, a big fan of CSW but still fall for Song Joong Ki. :D

Not too much into Korean tho, but I just love their actors and nice reality shows. Salute to Korea, for indeed determinant and passionate country to reach and aim their goals. I appreciate Korea so much, I've been there before and it was nice. They have loads of good food.

Talking about food........ Lately, I tend, TEND to eat a lot. Ever since again, I visited Marche and for 3 person (bro, mom, I) it cost 600K and the next day keep on munching food. Help? And I shopped a lot at GI. Thanks to all discounted price and all lovely price tags hanging over everywhere.

And Happy Birthday moi lovely friends!! Rakhi and Eugene. Wish you guys all the best in this year! GBU :) love you all
Ciao :* xoxo

juntastic

here I am sitting here at the edge of June. :) Two days ago was my grandpa's birthday, we had a a party and celebrate it together. Lots of people came and appreciate the invitation. Such a great dinner in Grand Super Kitchen. Yum. I love you kung, Happy 81st birthday, wish you all the best always. Pictures soon, or you may visit my facebook page.

And yesterday, Thya one of my church friends just had her 21st birthday. Happy birthday as well thya, may you keep on leading the youth to praise Him.

Last but not least, Happy birthday Gloria Agatha ;). I've been praising her for her fashion ability ever since I read her on Gogirl! Magazine. I love the pictures with her outfits, it suits her well, and it left a deep impression on me. I will order something from her, especially one of the jackets in her mini collection. But havent got the time to order it, even though it's holiday now. >.< All the best for Jii and your studies :) Check her collection on facebook, type --> Jii.

Okay, I've been leading in Church's event today. I'll make sure every single thing works well. This is my responsibility. :D

TSAD

today I'm feeling like happy. TSAD was extremely fun!!!!!!!!!!!!! Cant wait to have it again next year. Oh and I am happy as I have submitted my first assignment about vendors. And I've been chosen as one of the fixed committee for both beevolution and bynamic next year!!! cant wait! another meeting on Monday. and Ms yuli said that I should be prepared for another flag ceremony. (again) I'll be the flag raiser/trooper aka paskib :D yay

And I'm telling you

I have the time of my life! Last week of being 10th graders, being with 17 in 10J, since 2 guys will be moving. Oh well. Hey I got accepted myself in Event committee. Help me to get my job done, Vendors. Yeah, big help.

I just knew something is wrong inside my body. Suddenly sick symptoms come. No :"( I am healthy. bye, this is just a quickie update. oh well

boombox

What's up with me, I tend to eat a lot and sleepy. Yeah, holiday mode: ON in my brain. I really need to be active. I should learn how to drive on my own, getting my own trip, my desirable gadgets, and have fun. I've been playing board games all day long at school. lulz.

Oh I was just editing some pictures with quotations on it. I dont feel to study design. Yesterday, I tried to make one and it was an epic failure. So I just made some katy perry with simple quotations, which you can make it under 10 minutes. Yeah, I'm such a picky girl about fonts. So that I took a long time to decide the one I'll use. And on Facebook, I found a cute word with a special abbreviation in it. I think I'll be making one of the T-shirts later on. EFESUS!

I'm happy some of my friends have made such a great achievement! Love you all. and thank you Nad, for the 2nd hand book, I love it. :)

here are the pictures.
katy perry images courtesy of google.

enjoy. And how I again put up too much expectations on feelings which makes me end up in a sort of small and silly disappointment. I should have known something, from the very beginning.

**ohhh! psst, I've downloaded step up 3! And it's nice and very much worth it. love.
***p.ps: all the best for those people that'll be having final exams tomorrow, giving their final streaming decisions and I wish you all the best. Gbu

Take that

Hmph, I'm bored. Help... Well I just need a refreshment. Like in music, pictures, and stuff. Well so much love into Bollywood's best movie (so far that I've ever watched.) 3 Idiots, dude we can reflect a lot like a LOT and study about this life through that movie. It was also a way to entertain yourself. ohhhh and BTW I got myself into Bynamic committee screening process. I picked event and Publication. And as you know, I really want to be the photographer but at the same time I would like to organize events run down... Like in backstage! That would be cool.

Mom and dad were too busy. I've asked about the LIYSF itself, and I didnt get the answer. I presume that the answer is no. Yet, I can use the money for other things that will be worth soon. But I really need a REAL TRAVELLING and holidays. Oh well. Just wait valen. Few days escape to Singapore that will be awesome.

Huff I was just too tired on Friday, and having too much adrenaline on Saturday, and get back to my sleeping disorder on Sunday. So much to say but I just cant express it. Few things have made me confused. Jealousy, friendship and stuff, I am full with that. I should deal with me, myself and this big world. I'm connecting all the puzzles around.

So, anybody sign up to be a RSC? I didnt submit the email because I dont have time to work it out and I dont know about my holiday plan. Parents didnt talk much, oh well, as I said cant expect too much. kiss. Thinking about new lens, or upgrading stuff, I should have control myself then.

And, I just knew it on twitter, tomorrow is the decision of the streaming. Oh Lord, hopefully I enter the right one. And I'll be working harder. Amen :)

There are some stuff I couldnt say here. People that reads my blog is somehow also dealing with problems and I might now who are my readers hahahaha.

People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges." ~ Joseph F. Newton

that. is. so. me. sometimes. I. do. that. too

IESO!

Oh well today is the IESO! kinda hard tho, but yeah, I have done it all. BTW, I met nia on Tuesday :) YAY!

urgh, the result of exams coming out, our class's results drop down low. I failed one subject and I totally, totally regret why did I choose the harder part ;-; but thank God. Fail, Fail again, fail better. Quoted that from Paul Arden's. I just love his book. Simply magnificent. And again, I really am grateful for all those fun experience this year. Couldnt ask for more!

And again, I wonder... Why my bad mood sense to a certain girl or boy did not fade away? Oh come on, it makes a barrier. And how I did not enjoy it, I dont like to communicate nor join them any longer. But I keep thinking, to avoid those kinds of thoughts. Sorry, it irritates me and I think I should learn to keep away from you guys.

mayTHISBRINGSHAPPINESSandLOVEandJOY

I thank God, for His kind mercy, to all of us. Us, human being, He loves us for who we are. I thank Him for His guidance, I've done all the exams. Maybe some of the scores will be way below my expectations, but for anything as it is, I should be grateful. :) Sad news, I dont know what to do during holiday(s), sudden IESO *which also makes me excited, but the astronomy with physics?*, I did not get Hillsong tickets, and I dont know anymore. Sometimes I need to see things beyond perfection.

Btw,again all about vania my sis and jope my dude and bro. eversince! hahaha, like I've always mentioned, I've known him since kindergarten and nothing beats him during randomness. We still talk and talk, :) I'm simply happy to have that kind of faithful friend of mine. Even, we still do have some sort of similarities. And he kindly thinking to sell his Hillsong tickets :) That's cool! And yeah what comes around goes around. I got the VIP seating back in December 2009, but now I did not get any tickets ;-; He often approach me when I come to Lorenz's big events to talk a bit. I always like his opinions

And nia, I've known her everrrrr since elementary. AND IT'S A BIG LIE IF SOMEONE SAYS SHE'S SHY! hahaha I already know her inside and out. She loves to tell me something and thanks to BBM -_- she reaches me faster than ever. I'll be sad. After finishing her igcse, she'll be moving to USA :( again, after ota, she'll be leaving. No, I'll lose another item here in Indonesia. I still remember, she tells me stories that's timeless and private. even maybe only I, God, and her and the people involved know it. I'd miss to help her out.

OK. SKIP SKIP, IESO. earth science olympiad, it will be on Tuesday. Help me Lord, this is such an experience, after biodiesel stuff :) And tomorrow is futsal, basketball, tug of war day and last day of prep. uouo

I bought myself two new books. but I love this one. I fell in love from its' cover.

It's not how good you are, but it's how good you want to be.

-Paul arden!

that's all. OH and BTW, just now, just now, I WAS NOT in the right mood. sorry.
Really. If someone understands this, I'll treat you starbucks's frappucino :*
God bless you all

How I really need to steal a time

hey there, there you go. Its been 10 days since I wasnt blogging anything due to lack of time to do so, its been 10 days I'm being sixteen, its been 10 days since the hectic days come and I finally got the time here. Actually this is not really comfortable since I'm typing this at the budiman brothers' warnet. Yeah getting a life by making this post is like a 'me' break and I should stop worrying about things.

Thank God practicals have passed through. I almost cried tho when I got to repeat the specific heat capacity 3x and still did not get any accurate result!!! But thank God I got the last one just right and I guessed the materials right!!!!!!! Uber yayness. Well like always, I do not like qualitative analysis of salts and materials!! I already made the right answer but I changed it! Nuuuu ;-; But I should be thankful tho.

Okay, I really need to thank dad! :") He is really nice and unpredictable like ever. He bought me a red torch! :) so welcome to the family red torch. And my beloved w980 is died. Like really it cant be turned on! sad. all my precious contacts cant be saved and :"( it's just priceless.

:D dont know what to post again. dont know any personal things to be said. just unraveled the words of hidden mystery.

Birfday.

Happy birthday, valensia. :) Makasih banget Tuhan, aku boleh berumur 16 tahun. That means a lot to me. Thank You for health, family, blessings, prayers, friends, and much more that I could get. You've always prepared the best for me. Makasih yang inget, yang staying up late :) yang bangun pagi2 nyaaaw, :3 and jope was like...... checking on me whether his text is in. He tweeted to me as well.

Sudden big luncheon tho. Tapi ternyata mom dah plan sama yg lain. Bareng elis, ko olan, ce vani, darren, fanyaa and all fam :) WOOHOOO uncle's new resto has opened. Itu keren gila, super, parah. View laut, blakangnya apartment kek Dubai with all pools dan pas nengok ke bawah kek lg nginep di NH hotels europe!!!! 4 lantai, and the most exciting one must be the one is outdoor! :) Thank God punya om yang bisa manage resto itu, :) saya yang keponakan super senang, jd kalo mau pesen apa jadi bisa d cepetin :P

Abis itu pergi bntar beli sesuatu, lalu pulang. HM, thanks kado kaosnya ci vani ama ko olan, tau aja lagi incar yang mana :$ Sebenernya kado pertama itu dari si choesin, prinka. prinkyyy!! Galon mini, 2.2liter untuk gw minum biar ga dehidrasi, :) lalu dari fita, samuel, dari para om (berupa $$$) :p dan kak praptiii. makasih semua

ada beberapa wish dari orang yg paling gw suka. The most is.... kak ferdee's, farah's , and marchellinus demas's. Super tersentuh :) you are not forgotten kak fer :') gw belajar super banyak dari lu!

Dapet bday wishes dari para singapore dudes(anthun --> bahkan SMS,Jong, lauren Yuuri!), ota USA, maria Milano, etc How I miss you guys.

super iri pas msn ama jong, dia bilang... "eh besok ada darlene+band dong d gereja gw..." gw kayak... "fly me to spore, jong! :P" Ssenior pastor jong deket ama yg hillsong ;-; tp gapapa ;)

happy sweet 16 :) Lord guide me through! To be more and more better girl. It's another journey to push through, blessings all around me... treats? let us see later. Nite! :**

--> been thinking about a person, which I got confused and I did NOT expect much from he/she is. It's just confusing! But from the way he/she acts OMG, ;o

Yeah, I got another good thing about April. I get another freelance. EHEHEH. Well, cant you believe, this is a week before my birthday?!!! Me neither :( Time passes so fast yo.

Hm, what wish and another resolutions should I make?

Anw, pssssst bryanna, aka bryant (one of BISS simprug) Happy birthday

aprilWISH

wishing a good quality time to cover up stuff before sem exam! Nice, lovely, superb, awesome 16th birthday and a bunch of meaningful memories. Get closer to God, little bit taller (:DD), keep getting better, harder better faster and stronger girl :) so welcome APRIL :DD one of my favourite months, since non stop birthday people from 5th of April til 14th of april and few random people there. Birthday Treats? dont know yet, hahaha

I really wanna die. die. die die die. Die you.......









RATS! *april mop/ april fool's day, right?*

And anyway God shoulda makes me feel better.

By the way, it's almost midnight and and and I saw twitter timeline, whichhhhhhh contained about.... *** *******!!!!

and..... when I asked why they are discussing about that, because one of her friends has ever tried it. I was like....... Щ(ºДºЩ) Щ(ºДºЩ) Y U DO THAT?! still middle schooler dudes! Bahkan menurut gw, orang pacaran pun BELUM TENTU BAKALAN LAKUIN itu which is gila and extreme. parah == out of my mind.

dawn

Well, i am typing this actually on 1.30 am sharp. But I'm collecting all of my ideas for such a long time. I've been planning to type this since several days ago, but I hadn't get the chance yet. I think this is a common problem for us, mostly teenagers and young adults among us.

How do we value relationships between people?
As a lovers maybe, friend, enemies, family, colleagues, and many more..

But I think, what is common nowadays is between lovers. Sometimes lovers easily get into quarrels, aren't they? How we develop tolerance to the other person? Well, sometimes they just blunt about love. But,there's this cycle I've seen on Tumblr. From strangers, to friends, then they become lovers, and they become ex's and back to strangers again. How pathetic?

Well you can make to keep a healthy friendship relationship, if our mindset is mature to let go, to accept the truth, and it's a life man! Deal with it.

Most of my friends shared their stories, why did they break up, and some other else. Sometimes it because of lack of emotional control. When you are in love, sometimes we accept and enjoy the love but running back and avoid the pain.

And, when somebody betrays you, be strong. It means God still care about who's best in your life. When somebody cheated on you, deal with it. You are not alone. but the lessons that we could take is............there's still this importance to value, respect, and run your relationship.

I'm not a love genius, but this is what I've seen before. Dawn! 2.40 smthng, Gbu

Technologic

1. Skype with niaa :) [above]
2. TUMBEASTS! of Tumblr.

3. MSN with Isa

yes! We are going to technologic. Not really, just saying around tho, because of my phone is like dying. Literally "dying" huft. Just imagine (if you want to), my GPRS data access is lost, I cannot making phone calls at a moment, Pending text messages or unreachable texts, and it can be hang anytime soon which is terrible. It means I should open the battery many times. Huft. Why oo Why :(

Well, I love skype a lot and have upgraded it to the newest version 5.1 something, and it can work as a group video call like oovoo does! YAAAAAY! But, I havent tried it out yet, shoulda wait for anthon and lauren to do that together. Well the longest conversation is between me and Nia, it's for 2 hours ++ and she's doing it while she did her homework and while she's eating ice cream and I was eating french fries hahaha!

and, I love tumblr. Tons of CSW and interesting pictures, but when it has gone down, I will like..... ;o Because I cant reblog anything :( which is bad. uh okay, keep on updated with technology is necessarty, but remember to keep in balance :)

Well, lately I've been having nice MSN chats. But I lost the grab for my chat and jope's :( He asked me why I was like sad and all over and give me few suggestions but it works!! Thank you, he's one of my trustworthy besties besides nia :D Well I bought 50D canon camera because of him! hahaha and I did not regret it at all~ but now he suddenly loses his interest on photography ;p bwkwkw

and Isa, my besties as well, she's nice and kind. Maybe at once you'll think she's shy, stingy, cuek, asal or whatsoever but she's great. And she gave me a lesson about kindness which sometimes we often to forget. luvuisa

:)

I admit I was emotional. But I just hardly accept the fact :'( Sorry bout that, but it doesn't mean I dont love my parents. Ofcourse and indeed I love them and they are God's representative in my life. Couldn't ask for more and accept the fact. Thank God

emo

GOD, I'M PISSED, saya kecewa. saya kesal, saya muak! saya capek, saya cuma mau minta keadaan jadi kayak dulu. Papa Lord, aku mau curhat, mungkin aku udah gak bisa jelasin kalo aku doa, aku cuma bisa nulis apa yang lagi aku alamin. APA SAYA MASIH MEMIKIRKAN INI DENGAN PIKIRAN JERNIH, aku gak tau. gak tau. :'( D': dibilang saya nyerah, gak tau. tapi baru ngerasain harusnya gw cepetan IGCSE dan keluar dari sini.

It was started off with a business problem. Even far behind I understand, I am truly understand you are active in church and social related events, it makes you rarely at home and spending your time at home. Even when you are here, I rarely talk and spend time with you, it's either me is studying, playing, nor you are watching tv and making phone calls. I thought and I bet it WAS okay.

I knew, I knew, your problem was not easy. My heart was aching too, I could never imagine it, how I would react to it. But, I'm still a teenager, I still listen to the updates of your problems, I still want to have fun. And you said, please help you to lessen the burdens? I started to keep away all school matters and mine off yours.

And just today, congratulations. You really made me feel the worst. Worse than ever. I'm having the immersion week. And all the activities that I've chosen are some of my favorites and I used to enjoy it. Today, my feet aches all over. I walked not in a normal way, I was walking to open the door, and when she asked, I answered, it's because of basketball, and then you gave me a deep statement.

AND IT WAS COMPLETELY DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. you said.... "kaki kenapa sih? kenapa kayak anak cowok banget, tolong dong ringanin beban orang tua.. lagi ada masalah..." Ya terus kenapa?! Aku gak ada hubungannya sama itu, terus kenapa cuma karena futsal dan basket dibilang kayak anak cowo? itu jg hobi dan aku yang bertanggung jawab kalo aku agak cedera dan itu bisa ilang sendiri, cedera itu sering dulu pas basket, pertamanya sakit karena susah naik turun tangga tp itu sepele, dan note this down! MASIH LEBIH BANYAK ANAK CEWE YANG MUNGKIN LEBIH GANTENG atau LEBIH SPORTY DARI PADA AKU. kalo cowo masak emang kayak anak cewe? terus kalo aku nekunin fotografi, karena fotografer rata2 cowok, jadi anak cowo juga?! kenapa sih, kalo emang emosi jangan dibawa ke aku juga dong. aku udah capek, capek capek kalo semuanya dah gak bisa kayak dulu, semua gara2 satu orang yang skrg emg musuh terbesar yg pernah ada. capek malah ga dingertiin dan dilihat dari perspektif lain.

I DID NOT ASK YOU AND I NEVER ASK YOU TO COME AND GET CLOSER TO ME. Even you did not try to get to know me. That's your minus point upon me, mom and dad. You dont know me so well, so that you dont know how to deal with me and teenagers. I know you are strong to pass other problems, but for me, you still need to learn to talk to us- daughter/teenagers. If you wonder why I keep my mouth shut, is because I'm avoiding stupid arguments that's NEVER necessary. and you should learn ASAP before my bro gets the same feeling as I did. Why I avoid dinner, I did not want to talk with you dan bahkan gw kelepasan ngusir? Karena emang udah gak nafsu dan ga perlu diomongin dulu. note that down, we cant meet halfway if our situations are like this.

God, how can I solve this problem, if they just dont learn from this kind of situation? I cant force them rite? They dont take care of me only. While I'm learning, but they dont, how can this be better? Patient is not enough.

ts-ts-tsunami

well quite a long day today. but I want to share about this. This morning, at a glance I saw dad's newspaper. It's about Japan. remember, tsunami happened again? *changing language* Jadi, pas pagi karena gw baca koran papa, gw super tertarik untuk nulis ini. Jadi tulisannya itu,(gak sama persis tapi ini gw gambarkan aja ya) dunia kagum dan memberikan pujian kepada Jepang karena walaupun ditimpa dengan 3 masalah/musibah sekaligus, (tsunami, ekonomi dan radiasi nuklir); para warga tetap tenang dan tidak ADA penjarahan.

Guys, can you see what I'm trying to say? TIDAK ADA PENJARAHAN. hey, you see how educated the people there? They already used to the quakes there, but hey tsunami and nuclear radiation affect their life so much. Rethink, almost all problems happen at the same time, but no crimes. When Indonesia can be the next great country like Japan? See, even at the bad times we can consider Japan for something good!

So, have you INCLUDE Japan in your prayers' lists? Pray for the victims, pray for the system there.

:) GB

just being easily tired these days. Hm, ignore my bad english. I just need to release all the pressure that's being on. I got home late today since I picked up dad from his office, got a late dinner and got into another bump of traffic. THAT WAS TERRIBLE. ever. Havent get anything done yet, will be doing that in the morning. So, uhum, bed time now? :(

plus, sometimes we just need to know about love. balance them. and make it the way that it's comfortable for all people see and act about that. love is dangerous when you abuse them.

I dont think I get it. I know this is random but, I think it's not a healthy or proper way to run a relationship that shallow. it's just weird. I'd love to tell you, but sometimes you and time is as hard as rocks.

#prayforJAPAN #prayforWORLD

p.s: I'm letting bro bring my 50D baby, be good. God protects him completely.

Hello. I'm tired. I havent finished my IT yet. Lately my mood to study is in the early morning. I enjoyed the silence and I just had my moment there. Have been waking up on 4 am or 3.30am, and sometimes if I still have time to sleep, I have 30 mins extra sleep! B) Thank God for every single thing that I've passed. Well, I'm still on the trial mode for studying early, because I still love to staying up late, but just feeling not really focused yet to study. If I'm feeling comfortable to study in the morning, I'll try it at night as well. Aiming to improve the grades, but sometimes still too much playing around.

God's good. I love my family, but sometimes not my society. I know, aye world is unfair, eh? But I know, as time flies by, all things will be settled down, which now I've been receiving answers. I still got few back friends that support me. Uuu, dont ask me why, I enjoy skype. It's fundamental hahaha! Video call wift some dudes like lauren, vania, and conference call with anthun. oh, yongky as well. and jope? But not that often, I just happy to use this free-advance technology. I just have this random thoughts popping out of my mind, since I;m out from this blogging world for such a long time.

Bro will be going to Beijing this Friday, which I'll be having futsal match girls for two hours, and he asking me whether he can bring my camera. I definitely refuse to let him bring mine. AAAA come on, for 8++days? Two lenses? I even havent invest my savings for another lense to be used, he'll be using it? ;s nuooo anyway if one of you guys will give me polaroid instax 50s as my birthday present, I'll love you, super super love you :** And still chasing for 50mm f1.4 or 300mm smthing? or 18-135mm. yeah, i know, am I a gadget freak like boys out there? aye, my parents got the money, but I always select them (gadgets) that are worth to be used... Keeping up with trends? Well I can do that, but sometimes I just dont have the will. I just know lots of things, thats why I'm learning and people always telling me. I havent use a blackberry yet, it doesnt mean I dont understand how to use them and reboot them when it errors. I just looking for the right gadget, at the right time.

I know, hobby sometimes matter. I know mom and dad are not into this kind of hobby, but hopefully *sure* they'll understand (I was confused why they offered me camera). I am not nagging for lens, I'll just ask properly. I know the answer right away, so I decided to save my money. Coz I know, mom and dad have the purpose why they dont give me anything that I want. I want to learn how to drive, mom and dad expect me to. But I want to learn how to use the motorcycle but dad definitely refuse my idea. i'll just wait for another moment and I'll be driving on my own. Hm, I dont know, let me just name this post as random post.

I dont even know what are the key points that I;ve been writing, it is just so random.

and p.s: friend out there has turned into a total stranger for me and for some other people. Oh man, sorry, if that's what you call LOVE, you have NEVER, I repeat. NEVER. ever learn what love is all about. Be wise, it's not something selfish and you need trust from each other! And it doesnt mean you should REJECT yourself from world, other friends with opposite sex or somekind of close friend you having. It sucks? No, I dont know. Love is indeed blind, so what are the eye opener? And It doesnt mean you should ignore all the people that's trying to connect and to communicate with you. That's not the real thing.

okay, just stop len. I was in rage, since I've clearly seen the definite wrong definiton of love. ciao,Gbu

*the most random post ever been done*

Ya, gw emang bukan penulis yang sangat sangat bagus atau gimana. Post curhat banget.
p.s: gak suka, silahkan gausah buka postingan ini. thanks

Bilang gw lagi menemukan lagi, kondisi orang berubah sangat berubah dan gw gak suka. Kalo yang dulu gw dah biasa; gw gak bakal ribut, banyak omong, dan gw diem aja. Tapi nyatanya BANYAK dari antara mereka asik sendiri, sampe di satu titik- gw gak tau harus ngomong apa sama mereka. Udah ga nyambung sama sekali. Bukan gw bermaksud lari dan gak berusaha bergaul, pernah mikir gak sih sama...

"lu gatau mau ngomong apa, karena lu gak tau topik apa yang mereka omongin. mau join? Untuk sementara men! Pasti balik lagi sama keadaan semula, jadi buat apa? sama aja tujuan kosong."

capek kan? Berharap lebih tapi gak dapet apa-apa? Sama kayak apa yang gw alamin sekarang sama kebanyakan orang. Ampe di beberapa bagian pun masih ada yang begini juga. Perlu d jadiin moto hidup ya, yg d Tumblr. "Forever alone"? gatau kan, karena kalian gitu = gw narik diri. gimana caranya kalian ngasih gw kesempatan untuk cerita hah, kalo semuanya pada sibuk sama masing2? Gw sayang kalian tapi, gw gak bisa diem terus lama2. Ampe perlukah gw caper supaya kalian nengok? :"(

mungkin gw harus belajar mengasihi lagi. atau ya, gw gak dewasa, gak apalah. faktanya, balik lagi gw yang capek, butuh waktu. apa daya? Ada yang bisa jawab keraguan gw, kebingungan gw, kekesalan gw? Mengasihi emang gak pernah gampang, situasi kayak gini emang mungkin gw pamrih ya, mengharapkan semuanya bakal baik lagi sama gw. tapi tolong 1 aja, 1. I need somebody to lean on. stop.

I've tried to hold on, it's just too much Pa. Anything else should I ask You for? none. right? You've given me much good things. What should I pray again? How I just wish to get real deal of this Pa :(

age matters? Is that it? I'm out. Perfection? Fame? Keeping up with trends? Being-extremely funny? What other criteria? I am just me. I cant take it much now. You dont know what I've been through. No one knows. No one.

Dadorable

:) just want you to know that... I have an adorable dad.
*me rushed to the toilet around 8 am, after another short snatch of sleep. then I'm back to room*
dad:" ce, kenapa gak sekolah, sayang?"
me: "sakit... buang2 air blom berhenti"
dad:" yaudah, istirahat, udah minum obat blom?"
*shaking my head,since I havent take anything yet*
dad:"maa, itu si cc ada gak obatnya, minum apa?"

<3 aww dad just so you know, that was sweet. sorry if sometimes I am silly and impolite to you

sickerypost

umm hi. I was typing this because hardly sleep. I am sick today, blame tummyache. Maybe I've eaten something wrong or very very, indeed restless. So after PE, I was feeling dizzy and really want to puke. So at math lessons, I went to clinic and had a short nap. After English, i started to get headache again and feeling something is not right. I directly went home *too bad I couldnt taking pictures of beevolution :( * At home, i started go to the toilet couple of times. Indigestion happened. It was terrible. I even couldnt and didnt study add math nor physics seriously cause I'm affected with that tummyache.

And I was sleeping peacefully, but not at 3..... a.m, I woke up and rushed to the toilet. emergency need. It was totally killing me, then I tried to sleep again cos I felt my body is weak. And my maid came to wake me up, and another tummyache attack and couldnt help it but spend a looong time to let out those bacterias and indigestion. couldnt help it! back and forth to toilet all day long :(

Hope it keeps getting better, :( spend my day arranging my iPod, even reading further more on alcapone, going to the toiletsss and LOTs of sleeping. I'm bored. I was tired when my stomach rambling and should rush to the toilet. I lost my appetite, and I ate soup all day long. :( Papa heals me later. maybe will skip tomorrow's school as well. If I have gotten healthier will definitely come to school and also visit closing ceremony of beevolution.

GBU! *i was typing this cause I;m bored and couldnt sleep*

well today was, uhm, okay. I dont sing, I dont dance, and I'm not stealing things. How can I forgot to bring home my geo book. I remembered clearly, I took it out from locker! Dont say I put it back AGAIN with bio and add math book --'''''

i've been planning to sleep early, and i think the time has come :P oh well, 2 days left before, i got my "extra" salary. HUAHAUHAH!


not to mention, I'm being emotion-less. But you know, I keep up with trends, but trends dont last long. what remains is style and taste. Well, I've been listening again to simple plan and Good charlotte, I found that, Welcome to My Life song by Simple Plan, represents the dark days of teenagers. or not to mention young adults. You will NEVER ever ever guess, and know what we feel inside. We might be strong, but dying inside. I quoted this from yuri's page on FB and I always remembered that.

Everyone is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody."

- Mark Twain

I have lots of this dark side, no one knows. I might have done wrong, but I'm human after all. Sometimes, we just need a place to scream. but the best part is having someone stands behind you, all time. :) Thank U! couldnt ask for more, Dad

Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just dont belong
and no one understands you
**
No you DONT know what is like
when nothing feels alright
Dont know what is like
to BE like me
-Welcome to my life. Simple plan.

live it up

So that before I sleep, I need to say something. First, happy Wedding ci Fajar and Ko usman. I came to their holy matrimony at church, that was so sweet! I love their outfit especially the white tuxedo. It was really look like expensive. I am really going to have a blessed marriage soon! *AMEN* well, I got my hair done with cha2 :) it was nice, i got a great stylist. She made me have a curly hair a bit and the tone was just right. And I received compliments *fly me to the moon* but who wouldnt be so happy, if we receive sweet compliments? Even some of the people didnt recognise me ;p

second, *sigh* it's school day again ahead. busy busy week. but hey, chinese new year in a while :D I got Math UT and phy WS tmrw and yet havent got the chance to review properly. hmmm today was just, I feel like I did not get enough time to get jobs done. I was working for booklet for hours, then straight to buy art equipments, then church til late. And I did not have any proper meal. Any meal. But I drank caffeine. D: too bad

third, I was really wondering whats my passion is all about, havent think of it and havent get any answers yet. Hmm.

pictures soon, since i was moving from this blog, i was like havent uploading any pics yet. hmm btw i love photobooth :D

freeday

oh yeah hello, uhm long time no write. Ihihih... you know what? school has gone completely insane. They keep us pushing our own schedules with many tasks yet tests. One day, on Tuesday if I'm not mistaken... First period is Add math, then bio, then math, geo, then english and religion last is music. So, add math got a quiz which was on thursday. Then math had a worksheet on wednesday and a Unit test next monday. Geo will be having quiz on wednesday and unit test next wednesday. Then english, alcapone's worksheet on wed and literature unit test on Thursday. OHMYYYYY :'( but we've been struggling and giving our best!

tired, eh? today is PTC btw. I knew my scores already, I'll be improving those scores so bad. And two days ago had a chat with jo! And he was asking if we could hang out sometimes with other friends! yoo cant wait :3

I'll be saving up money for lenses. :) ups this rookie photographer will upgrade her lens for her pal 50D. **btw on a web am surprised most of the photographers still using their 20D!!**

p.s: dont you know... when I write i'm expressing thoughts and ideas there? I miss writing short novels back then when i was in grade 6. Nce has been writing them up until high school. such a passion :)

Just had a great long day. After feeling dizzy yesterday. I was able to finish my slide and thank you to BAAD AUTO ISO! I need to edit some pics to be used there!!! It drives me crazy. I was upset coz I havent studied yet, but tomorrow will be working hard.

Thank you for people who attended Joyful Youth awards and BBQ nite. I got the most dilligent one :) thank you for people who have voted me as well. We had much fun, talks, sharing food, taking pictures, exchanging gifts, and etc.

I made the "es buah" it was all melon-based! Melon syrup+melon balls+plain jelly+nata de coco, simple yet yummy. people loved it. Imma sleep right now, reallllly need to take a break and fast yet good and quality sleep. Night!

inst3.

I was like reading Yuri's blog posts. I found an interesting post, which it really suits me in some points yet, it drives me krazy. I feel like, most of the teenagers might feel this to. this is a struggle.

"I always want to be perfect. A perfect daughter, a perfect friend, a perfect partner, a perfect individual.

Perfectionism is everything, I have to be perfect. I ought to be perfect.

But when I fail to do so, when I made a mistake, I will feel very depressed and worthless.
I want to be perfect so I hide my emotions and I tend to be abusive to myself.
I will cry until I can't breathe, I will peel my skin until it bleed, I will took pills so I can sleep.
I have a serious anger for myself, if I made a mistake, I will hate myself more than ever.
I will hate myself more than I hate anyone else. I feel very emotionally devastated.
I think I'm seriously depressed.
Help me. I can't help myself.

I realize that if there's nothing left to burn, you got to set yourself on fire."
-yuri's blog (http://lookingforastronaut.blogspot.com/) :)

I experienced some of these, when I got upset or something like that. When you feel you cannot find the way out. When it's just too deep and dark. When people asking too much rather than giving.

Sigh. It is terrible, I even cant do anything. I got this bad mood all over.

btw, I've been thinking to which destination should I go for immersion, I am so dang excited about US. Well at first mom said it's expensive. But than she supports me and saying up to you. But yet I again confused, and thinking hardly what decision should I make. Dad came over to my room, and ask, where do I want to go... and I hardly look into his eyes! I kept on typing on my mac, avoiding contact. Kinda nervous tho about what dad gonna say. He said, how about if I dont go for immersion, instead he will give me cash and new phone *who wants to resist?* but I said, I dont know. I still think that I wanna go. "teserah" I said it over and over. Until I made up my mind, and say "ga usah, bisa d ganti aja" to both mom and dad. after it, mom came over and still asking "yang lain gmn? gamau ikut? yang lain k mana? mau gak tanya dulu, bsk bawa suratnya tinggal pilih atau submit?"

i'm touched with both attention of mom and dad. i'm lucky enough to have them. But i think, I need to loosen mom's and dad's burden. enough for a while, and yet bro is also get going to Beijing at March!! It's too much for paying $$, so I sacrifice something for good. :) I can get something better soon.

I'm fifteen going on sixteen
Learning how to be strong
Experiencing ups and downs
Sacrifice things
Yet figuring out many things
*myownversion*

well, being happy is a choice, I guess? But it still depends who supports you and who knows you for real.

Re-ALL-ity

Hm, school is coming their way. Tough, but gonna give my very best shot. I dont want to give up, I've set my goals, aim high work it and reach it. Tomorrow is gonna be my first day of joining Futsal SCP. x-x kinda nervous yet I missed stacks of my english and bahasa handouts and tests ;-;
I'll be looking at my locker tomorrow, I will get those pieces back!!

Yet kinda disappointed with bio results and add math's. oh well, I need to know deeper bout talents. But being grateful right now, is one of the best things ever :D so, I think I need to save those energy for first day of class and also a brand new day. Thanks Pa! :* I love You for every single step I've taken. I might have done wrong, but You always always always made me right :'')

GAH! tomorrow will be the first day of school. Kinda nervous and excited. I am trying not to be worried of sem exam scores, since I think I dropped them down :( Oh Lord, help me to get some motivation and courage and willingness. So, I chatted around with Paco. Well, kinda close with him since he was my seatmates back then on grade 9.

We chatted a lot, and today when we had the conversation, I asked him random things. Luckily he answered so I got the 'picture' of my doubts. I was asking about university and school life. I typed too many "what if"s and about school stuff. And he said few things which made me quite calm down and he said, dont worry about it too much. So, yeah trying to give my best potential and just enjoy. Thank you Pacooo! :)

Letter to God from phal

Hey Lord, Good dawn! it's like almost morning. today is my very last holiday. I stayed up late feeling so uncomfortable and terribly have this insomniac thing. Well, actually, I promised myself not to sleep late today. But I broke it. I feel extremely petrified. I feel anxious and insecure. I dont know, who else I should speak to share my stories. I need to put this burden off. After what happened last night. I couldnt accept it easily. This is my first post on my new blog telling how bad the condition I am now. Sorry blog, you know you wouldnt leave me alone and sleep, right?

Lord, if TWITTER asks "What's happening?" I would like to ask too... "What's happening?" nowadays, with me, family, and this whole bunch crap and insanity. I should figure it out Lord. Lord, I dont get it, it didnt start as a fight, but it gets serious. I know, justice is coming, but how and when I dont know yet.

It gets serious and complicated... what do he expects Lord? isnt that enough to hurt the whom I love? :'( He has done many things, I couldnt count, talk shit, eat crap. What else? I was terrified when those people came and saying like stand up for the wrong person. NOTE THAT! U are so da*n wrong and you guys acting like, we stand up for each other. BUT THAT'S NOT THE TRUTH!

Why? I couldnt get over this, this night. thank you people, you have indeed ruined everything! sorry bro, cant make it to celebrate ur bday. Try not to blame those people, indeed they did do wrong.

Lord, I am trying to be thankful and grateful. Dont know how to describe it any longer. It is not all of my complaints, but I'll be waiting for the beauty soon. I am sorry, and I would ask for forgiveness. Thank you for some friends that could help me. I should stand up from the storm. I'll try to sleep later :) I love You Lord, thank you for every pages of stories in my life. Sometimes we need to shade dark color to produce more variety.

Love&truthfully yours

-phal-

welcome

well this is my very first posting. Plain and nothing is special yet. I decided to recreate my blog, because I just need new atmosphere :) and yet, some of my posts back then when I was a fresh elementary graduate were too cheesy. It will be better if I leave it and leave it as a memory and start fresh! This is my 4th or 5th blog after I deleted them ;p except the latest one. And I joined Tumblr as well.

Today is, 11/1/11, nice number, straight ones. HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAY bro! WYATB GBU! Sorry if I cant give u much :)

And all I can say, welcome readers to my new blog, titled: aprilAVENUE!

http://bangthehorizon.blogspot.com :)