emo

GOD, I'M PISSED, saya kecewa. saya kesal, saya muak! saya capek, saya cuma mau minta keadaan jadi kayak dulu. Papa Lord, aku mau curhat, mungkin aku udah gak bisa jelasin kalo aku doa, aku cuma bisa nulis apa yang lagi aku alamin. APA SAYA MASIH MEMIKIRKAN INI DENGAN PIKIRAN JERNIH, aku gak tau. gak tau. :'( D': dibilang saya nyerah, gak tau. tapi baru ngerasain harusnya gw cepetan IGCSE dan keluar dari sini.

It was started off with a business problem. Even far behind I understand, I am truly understand you are active in church and social related events, it makes you rarely at home and spending your time at home. Even when you are here, I rarely talk and spend time with you, it's either me is studying, playing, nor you are watching tv and making phone calls. I thought and I bet it WAS okay.

I knew, I knew, your problem was not easy. My heart was aching too, I could never imagine it, how I would react to it. But, I'm still a teenager, I still listen to the updates of your problems, I still want to have fun. And you said, please help you to lessen the burdens? I started to keep away all school matters and mine off yours.

And just today, congratulations. You really made me feel the worst. Worse than ever. I'm having the immersion week. And all the activities that I've chosen are some of my favorites and I used to enjoy it. Today, my feet aches all over. I walked not in a normal way, I was walking to open the door, and when she asked, I answered, it's because of basketball, and then you gave me a deep statement.

AND IT WAS COMPLETELY DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE. you said.... "kaki kenapa sih? kenapa kayak anak cowok banget, tolong dong ringanin beban orang tua.. lagi ada masalah..." Ya terus kenapa?! Aku gak ada hubungannya sama itu, terus kenapa cuma karena futsal dan basket dibilang kayak anak cowo? itu jg hobi dan aku yang bertanggung jawab kalo aku agak cedera dan itu bisa ilang sendiri, cedera itu sering dulu pas basket, pertamanya sakit karena susah naik turun tangga tp itu sepele, dan note this down! MASIH LEBIH BANYAK ANAK CEWE YANG MUNGKIN LEBIH GANTENG atau LEBIH SPORTY DARI PADA AKU. kalo cowo masak emang kayak anak cewe? terus kalo aku nekunin fotografi, karena fotografer rata2 cowok, jadi anak cowo juga?! kenapa sih, kalo emang emosi jangan dibawa ke aku juga dong. aku udah capek, capek capek kalo semuanya dah gak bisa kayak dulu, semua gara2 satu orang yang skrg emg musuh terbesar yg pernah ada. capek malah ga dingertiin dan dilihat dari perspektif lain.

I DID NOT ASK YOU AND I NEVER ASK YOU TO COME AND GET CLOSER TO ME. Even you did not try to get to know me. That's your minus point upon me, mom and dad. You dont know me so well, so that you dont know how to deal with me and teenagers. I know you are strong to pass other problems, but for me, you still need to learn to talk to us- daughter/teenagers. If you wonder why I keep my mouth shut, is because I'm avoiding stupid arguments that's NEVER necessary. and you should learn ASAP before my bro gets the same feeling as I did. Why I avoid dinner, I did not want to talk with you dan bahkan gw kelepasan ngusir? Karena emang udah gak nafsu dan ga perlu diomongin dulu. note that down, we cant meet halfway if our situations are like this.

God, how can I solve this problem, if they just dont learn from this kind of situation? I cant force them rite? They dont take care of me only. While I'm learning, but they dont, how can this be better? Patient is not enough.